Teach Your Children Well

There is a girl that our family has kind of "adopted".  She's a good girl but doesn't exactly have the best home life.   For all intents and purposes we will call her, "Mimi" (shrug).  During a conversation today, it came out that "Mimi" has been informed that she will not be allowed to graduate High School when the time comes.  She will be given a certificate, but not an actual diploma.  Why?? you ask... Well because as an 8th grader,"Mimi" can barely read past a 3rd grade level and does not have the skills to do math on a 1st grade level.  We are talking simple addition and subtraction here folks. 

Now, this came as a shock to me because just the other day, her mom was bragging about how "Mimi" got all A's and B's on her last report card.  My husband and I told her how proud we are of her-- which we were... and still are.  But, now I have to question... "How does a child who does not possess the basics get A's and B's in 8th grade?  Surely it isn't because the school systems have failed this child.  (insert sarcastic comment here)

Not to mention but.... what the sam hell is wrong with her mother?!?!  Why has she not demanded a better education for her daughter?  Why hasn't her mother sought tutoring for her?  Why (so many why's to ask at this point)???  I have a feeling that I know the answers to these questions, which may very well be the reason why I'm not even going to bother to ask.  It would probably result in me going spider-monkey on this woman and beating the stupid out of her.

What it basically comes down to is this-- My husband and I have decided we are going to help her.  We are going to tutor her, make sure she has the skills that she needs to be successful in life.  Good gravy!!  Hasn't her mother even thought about her own child's future?  (FRIGGIN FRACKIN SPLATTER RIPPIN!!!)  If no one else is going to care about "Mimi's" education and future then come hell or high water-- WE WILL.   
I will do everything I can in my power to try and make sure she gets a diploma when she graduates High School.  Even if it doesn't work out, then no one can say that "Mimi" was completely failed.

It burns me that so many people have failed her-- that so many have allowed her to slip through the cracks.  This will not do.

3 Years to 40

5 hours..... and counting.

Countdown to 37.  Thirty-friggin-seven.

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this, and kinda understand why most women would have stopped the clock 12 years ago.  Don't get me wrong-- I am absolutely stoked that it's my birthday!  But 37??  When  How did THIS happen?!


When I was a kid, on my birthday, I was always asked, "Well, do you feel older yet?"  And truth be told, I still don't feel any older.  I still have the heart and spirit that I did 20 years ago.  So why am I freaking out about a number?? I have never done that before.  It didn't happen when I turned 30, I am not freaked out about being 40..... why now?


Well, it could be because I realize that the average life expectancy is between 75-85 yrs old.  (At least in my family it is).  I realized a couple weeks ago that my life is about half over now.  What the crap have I done in the first half of my life?  I have 3 fantastic kids that could drain the sanity out of any normal mother and a beautiful and fantastic husband that finishes off the sanity that was left after the kids.  (I love each of them with every breath in my body.)  But I don't really have much to show for the first 37 years of my life and I think that is what has me a bit freaked out.

I'm not really one to get caught up in monetary items or keeping up appearances.  I'm not concerned that I don't have the newest car or the biggest house.  I am just thankful that I have a roof over my head and a way to get from point A to point B.  Those are not the things that make me the person I am.

So what do I have to show for 37 years of life??  After contemplating (for the last 6+ hours) this is the conclusion I have come to.

1. I have lots of gray hair; The first of which I found at age 26.  This is a result of stress that has been survived.  Each one of these pigment-challenged hairs have been earned.  They are my badge of honor (that I keep hidden away in a box of hair color.  Hey!! If military men can hide their medals away in a box, so can I!)

2.  My spirit is strong and stubborn.  I'm not saying this to say, "Oh look at me", or "Oh poor me" or downplay anyone else's burdens but seriously folks-- I have been through hell and back-- multiple times. (Refer to #1) I have survived crap that would make some people down some "Judy Garland Trailmix" or slit their wrists... But, I am still here and I am still fighting.  Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" is my theme song.

3.  I have ah-maz-ing friends and boy could we tell some stories!  I wouldn't trade one of them for anything in the world.  And some of them, for all intents and purposes, really shouldn't even be friends with me.  My ex-husbands wife?? One of my best friends...  Ex-boyfriend's family (from 20 some years ago)???  Some of my closest and best friends.  Our friendships defy the odds and I am amazed every time I think about them.  
  
4.  I have a post pregnancy belly (multiplied by 3) and stretch marks that could put the Pennsylvania Railroad to shame.  These are earned as well, but unfortunately I cannot hide them away in a box.  Each one of them represents 120 weeks of kicks, turns, flips, punches, etc. while housing the life of 3 children.  


Really the list could go on and on about what I have to show for the first half of my life.  When God finally calls me home, I will not die rich nor will I be famous.  But each year that I live I gain a little more wisdom, I love and am loved a little bit more.  

I can live with this.  

So celebrate your life.  It's not about the money, cars, clothes, jewelry-- it's about who you are, what you have overcome and who you love!  Happy St. Patrick's Day!  

Red Dress Moment Brought to You by the Color Blue

So I guess that would make it a "blue" red dress moment?   (In case you are wondering what the whole "Red Dress" thing is about... you can catch up here and here) 

I am slowly allowing my true colors to emerge.  Literally.  In my heart, I have always danced to the beat of my own drum, but outwardly followed the tune of what is socially acceptable. Until recently.  

I'm kind of at a point in my life where not only do I say that I don't care what others think, but am actually starting to live it. The past (almost) 37 years of my life have been spent "acting" according what other people said I should look and dress like.  Why do we always have to fit into someone else's box of normalcy?   And who determines what is normal??    I am ready to start doing the things that make me happy (within reason of course).

And this........

This makes me furiously happy.

So, throw caution to the wind and do at least one thing that you've always wanted to do, but were too afraid to do it.  In the end, it's not about how others see you, it's about how you see yourself when you look in that mirror.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

As I come out of my slumps and funks, I try to listen to a lot of music.  Music that helps me stay mad, then music that helps me cry and get it all out and then finally music that helps me pick up the pieces, woman up and move on.

This is what I have been singing and listening to the past few days. And because I am entirely too emotional, I even get a little choked up when I listen to it.   The lyrics don't always have to fit your situation perfectly, but instead the main message behind the song and how it applies to your life.

Moral of the story.... it's okay to be down.  It's okay to yell, scream, cry, throw things, have a drink if ya need it, pray...... do whatever it takes to get it out of your system.  It's not about how you handle crappy situations and depression, it's about coming out on the other side-- stronger.

I know that because of my past, people get rather concerned when I go through my slumps.  And I appreciate everyone for loving me enough to care.  All I need is a little bit of patience and time to get it out.  Instead of letting it kill me, I will let it make me stronger.  

Alcohol and Neurontin-- Cure what ails ya

and 

And suddenly, ya just don't care anymore. BONUS! it was all perfectly legal for me.    For once I was thankful for my Frankenfoot (my old blog) and the medication that I will most likely be prescribed for the rest of eternity.  

The combination of tequila shots, and 2 behemoth sized fuzzy navels (aka schnaaps with a splash of O.J) to wash down my nerve medication was just what the doctor ordered.  Can't say that I am completely out of my slump, but....  At least I'm not wanting to shoot chirping birds anymore or flipping off the sun for shining it's brilliant beams through my window.

Things were getting entirely too real and heavy around here and I just needed to not give a crap for a while.  And for about 3 hours, I didn't.  In the words of our great Steven Tyler, "It was beautiful man, just beautiful".  

Depression Sucks

Not your every day, "Eh it's dreary outside" depression.  I'm talking about the kind that makes you not even give a crap that you are depressed.  The kind that makes you realize that you have so much you want to scream out but can't even find the voice to do it-- and even if you did, you wouldn't tell anyone anyways.  So instead you just melt into a puddle of tears if you can even find the strength to cry.  The kind that makes you ask if you even remember the last time you were truly happy.  Which makes you feel even more like crap and guilty for feeling like that which in turn makes you more depressed.  Depression is a never ending vicious black hole that sucks everything out of you.

I realize that there are many people who have never experienced what I'm trying to describe, but it's not something that you just snap out of.  And for the record, telling someone to cheer up is a really shitty thing to say to them.  You don't just wake up one day with the sun shining and the birds chirping and suddenly all is right in your world.

 It takes a long time to come out of this shit-- alive.

And it sucks.  

   

Marriage-- The Leading Cause of Insanity

Lopsy (the cat):  Meeeeow.... Meeeeeeeow

Me:  What's wrong ki'y kitty?

Tim:  She's going to puke

Me:  She is??  No, I think she will be okay.

Tim:  No, she is going to puke and you need to get her onto the linoleum before she does it on the carpet

Me:  Um... no

Lopsy: *puke*

So I got up, went to the kitchen and grabbed paper towels to clean it up.

Tim: I don't understand

Me: What?

Tim:  You would rather clean puke up off the carpet than pick up the cat and move her

Me:  I don't want her to puke on me in the process of moving her!

Tim:  (makes motion of picking up cat and moving it... then shakes his head)

One hour later-----I read this..  

Me:  Yeah I just saw your Facebook post

Tim:  I was wondering when you were going to see that

Me:  Well I just now saw it

Tim: I posted that a long time ago


Me: I just now saw it... and commented

Tim:  What did you say?

Me:  Go look

This is what I said

Tim:  You seriously would rather clean it up off the carpet than to pick her up?

Me:  I. did. not. want. her. to. puke. on. me.

Tim:  If you hold her away from you....

Me: Then she still might puke on my foot which would not be kewl.

Tim:  So you would rather clean it up off the carpet than your foot?

Me:  Yes, because if she puked on my foot, then I would have puked all over the carpet and that would not benefit anyone.

Tim:  You amaze me.

Me:  One would think you would realize this after 13 years-- I am the same person who won't even touch raw poultry or pork with my hands.. What makes you think I would be okay with cat vomit on my foot?

Tim:  Shakes head
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So you see my dear sweet husband.. If in fact I am insane, it's because I am married and after almost a decade and a half, you still have these conversations with me.

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P.S.  He has since responded to my reasoning..

Touche sir... Touche.